Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
