So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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