Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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