why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
