So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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