I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
