the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm passing your future prison.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
