you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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