My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
