Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
