I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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