He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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