What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
