I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
