yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
