I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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