Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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