i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize