I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
