I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
