she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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