I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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