My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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