Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
