I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
