Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize