I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
