DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize