I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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