You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
