Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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