trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
