Just fell off a train. Bad.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize