i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
