I can tuck mytits in my pants
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
