Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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