just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
