my sisters under your porch take her home
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
