i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
