Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
