five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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