I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
