Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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