You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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