Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize