she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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