WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize