My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
