I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
