I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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