I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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