im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
