I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
