I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize