Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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