Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
