I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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