Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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