I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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