Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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