Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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