our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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