I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
