OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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