I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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