piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
