Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
