she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
