So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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