she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
