No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize