Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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