Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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