well you can't waste a boner
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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