well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
50% drunk capacity currently
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
