You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
