I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
