My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
