My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
