Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
