Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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