I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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