So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
