i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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