It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
