Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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