I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
