Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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