Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
