this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
