The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
